“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boese
Forgiveness is challenging. For those who have a loved one battling drug or alcohol addiction, it may feel like the relationship is unbalanced. You find yourself repeatedly forgiving mistakes caused by their addiction, with no resolution in sight.
For the person struggling with addiction, feelings of self-loathing and shame can seem insurmountable, making the choice to drink or use drugs feel like the easier option.
In the context of addiction recovery, forgiveness is particularly difficult because it requires us to resist the natural urge to react with anger when someone’s actions, driven by addiction, hurt those around them. Forgiveness asks us to accept the past as it is, to cultivate empathy, and ultimately, to move forward.
Achieving this kind of forgiveness demands more effort than we often realize. Healthy forgiveness is not about “forgive and forget.” It involves deep reflection and hard work. It requires genuine empathy and the ability to release past grievances that have personally impacted us. Forgiveness is a journey toward healing and peace, rooted in compassion for both ourselves and the loved one struggling with substance abuse.
Holding onto past grievances, and harboring resentment, and bitterness only makes it harder to find happiness. As we support our loved ones in their recovery, it’s essential to recognize the transformative power of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness, as well as forgiveness of others, enables us to release pain and allows the healing process to begin. Resentment and guilt are burdens that, if not addressed, can draw us back into the cycle of substance use.
A national Gallup poll revealed that while 94% of Americans believe in the importance of forgiveness, less than 50% have actually attempted to forgive those who wronged them. This gap highlights that while we acknowledge the value of forgiveness, many of us struggle to understand how to practice it or find it too painful to face.
“Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. He (Jesus) began by forgiving us. And He invites us all to forgive each other.” – Lewis B. Smedes
What Does Forgiveness Mean in Addiction Recovery?
The idea of forgiveness is simple to grasp but challenging to put into practice. We regularly forgive others for a range of issues, from minor to significant, often as part of the lessons we learn early in life, which ideally shape our capacity to forgive as adults.
In the realm of addiction, however, forgiveness can be a complex and painful process. For instance, you might struggle with:
Forgiveness involves releasing anger, frustration, resentment, and negative feelings toward others or yourself. It asks us to let go of any lingering, unhealthy emotions we may be holding onto. While it’s natural to feel hesitant about forgiving someone who has caused you pain, or even forgiving yourself, finding peace and empowerment through forgiveness can significantly ease the recovery journey in the long run.
Why Should You Forgive Yourself or Someone Struggling with Addiction?
Holding onto unforgiveness can have significant negative effects on both your physical and emotional health. For instance, lingering anger can contribute to high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, and heart problems. If you’re working to recover from substance use disorder, it’s essential to reduce potential stressors in your life to maintain emotional clarity.
Forgiveness enables those in recovery to reach a healthier state of emotional and physical well-being, making it easier to manage triggers, stress, and cravings to use substances again.
Forgiveness Enhances Your Physical and Mental Well-Being
Psychologist Michael McCullough, Ph.D., has conducted numerous studies exploring the impact of forgiveness on health. In one study, participants were asked to recall someone who had deeply hurt them and to focus on the pain and resentment they felt toward that person. Next, they were instructed to imagine this person in a forgiving light, as if they had made amends and moved on.
Throughout the study, researchers monitored participants’ heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration, and facial expressions. As expected, during the initial reflection period, participants experienced elevated heart rates, increased blood pressure, more sweating, and frowning. This illustrates how holding onto negative feelings and resentment can lead to poorer overall health and well-being.
Forgiveness, Sleep, and Mood Studies
A study on the power of forgiveness among American adults revealed a significant link between forgiveness and sleep quality. The research found that forgiving others and practicing self-forgiveness can help reduce emotions like anger and regret. By letting go of these negative emotions, forgiveness creates a mental barrier against daily offenses, fostering a peaceful state of mind that supports better sleep habits.
Another study, part of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, examined the effects of therapeutic forgiveness training. Nearly 260 participants with unresolved feelings of resentment or pain underwent nearly five months of educational training. The results were remarkable: participants not only made significant strides in forgiving the person who hurt them, but they also experienced improvements in physical and mental well-being. Specifically, 70% reported decreased feelings of hurt, 13% saw a reduction in long-term anger, 27% experienced fewer physical symptoms of stress, and 15% reported lower stress levels overall.
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Catherine Ponder
Why Forgiveness is Crucial in Addiction Recovery
The early stages of addiction recovery are often marked by a whirlwind of emotions, with some of the most intense being feelings of shame and guilt. For instance, you may be grappling with the pain you’ve caused others, whether through emotional distress, financial difficulties, or physical harm. Practicing self-forgiveness is a key strategy for managing these overwhelming negative emotions, making it a vital part of the recovery journey.
Guilt and shame are natural aspects of the human experience, so it’s important not to be too hard on yourself for struggling to let go of these feelings. These emotions are tied to your conscience, which guides your moral values and connects us as human beings. In fact, never experiencing guilt or shame would be a concerning sign.
The recovery process often requires confronting these difficult emotions and ultimately forgiving yourself as a necessary step in overcoming addiction.
3 Healthy Strategies for Self-Forgiveness in Recovery
Whether you are actively struggling with addiction or are in the process of recovery, you may have engaged in behaviors you regret. This might include stealing money for drugs, lying about your substance use, cheating on a partner while under the influence, or neglecting important relationships. Additionally, you may have harmed yourself by neglecting your physical and emotional health, experiencing weight fluctuations, or damaging your career or education. The extensive list of actions and mistakes made by those battling addiction is well-documented and comprehensive.
While many of these actions occurred during periods of substance use, they all belong to your past and cannot be changed. Continuing to harbor self-loathing or self-pity over these actions will only perpetuate your pain alongside your addiction, reducing your chances of a successful recovery.
Remember, ADDICTION IS A DISEASE, NOT A SIGN OF MORAL FAILURE. You are not a bad person; you are someone who is ill and deserves the opportunity to heal and make amends.
Making Amends in Addiction Recovery
A key element of recovery is the process of making amends. The term “amend” means to make minor changes, improve, and make better. Making amends to those you have wronged during your misuse of drugs or alcohol allows you to acknowledge your regret, commit to doing better, and take steps toward self-forgiveness.
Examples of making amends include:
Even if you can’t completely undo the harm you’ve caused, you can still make an effort and seek forgiveness.
Here are three more ways to practice self-forgiveness:
Write It Out
Writing can be a powerful tool for processing your emotions. Take the time to write down what you’ve done and why you’re angry with yourself. By being completely honest, you may uncover the root of these feelings and start the process of self-forgiveness.
Talk With Others
Talking with someone else can be one of the most effective ways to release emotions in addiction recovery. Choose someone who won’t judge you or who has gone through similar experiences.
Give Yourself Credit
Make it a habit to acknowledge your achievements. While it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong, recognizing the positives in your life can amplify their impact. This practice can help you rewrite your narrative and foster a more positive self-image, paving the way for self-forgiveness.
3 Helpful Ways to Forgive Someone Struggling with Addiction
Forgiving someone battling addiction for their wrongdoings is not easy. True forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or denying how something made you feel; instead, it involves moving from resentment toward understanding and empathy. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous highlights that resentment is one of the most destructive forces for alcoholics, as it leads to feelings of worthlessness, unhappiness, and isolation from loved ones.
It’s essential to objectively consider the situation and recognize the factors that may have influenced another person’s actions. They might have a history of abuse, lack communication skills, come from a family with a history of addiction, experience significant trauma, or be dealing with chronic, untreated pain. There are countless underlying reasons that can be acknowledged and understood. Here are three ways to practice forgiveness for those suffering from addiction.
Understand
Addiction is a disease that rewires the brain, altering the way people think and act. Those struggling with addiction often go against all logic and reason to continue using drugs or alcohol because they are no longer in control of their mind or body. By understanding that addiction is not a choice, you can begin to see your loved one as someone who is ill and in need of treatment.
Write a Letter
If speaking directly with the person is challenging, or if they have passed away, consider writing an “unsent letter.” This letter allows you to express your hurt, resentment, acceptance, and understanding of their addiction. You can choose to send the letter if they are still alive or burn it as a symbolic gesture of forgiveness if they have passed on.
Give It Time
Sometimes, forgiving someone may seem impossible, especially if they continue to misuse substances or refuse to acknowledge the harm they’ve caused. It might take time for you to fully understand their disease. In the meantime, focus on releasing the burden of hurt and continue living your life.
Quotes About Forgiveness
“The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.” - Confucius
“You cannot travel back in time to fix your mistakes, but you can learn from them and forgive yourself for not knowing better.” – Leon Brown
“Forgive yourself. The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your own life. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz
“Never forget that to forgive yourself is to release trapped energy that could be doing good work in the world.” – D. Patrick Miller
“Embrace and love all of yourself – past, present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.” – Melody Beattie
“Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” – Leo F. Buscaglia
“Understanding that we are more than our transgressions helps us see beyond the transgressions of others.”
“Regardless of how illogical it may seem at times, it is through unconditional forgiveness that we surrender the past to the past and enter the present, freeing ourselves to stand in the infinite Light that knows how to heal our deepest and most painful wounds.” – Dennis Merritt Jones.
Forgive Yourself, Forgive Others, and Seek Treatment
For more information on coping strategies, forgiveness in recovery, and valuable recovery tools, visit the Sunrise Recovery blogs.
We recognize that each addiction is unique, and therefore, we offer evidence-based, personalized treatment plans for every patient. If you or someone you know is looking for help with drug or alcohol addiction, contact one of our recovery specialists at +1 (877) 978 – 6747.
