Your recovery must be your top priority. Don’t allow space in your life for those who bring you pain or diminish your self-worth. It’s one thing if someone acknowledges their behavior and strives to change. However, if a person disregards your feelings, violates your boundaries, and continues to treat you harmfully, it’s time to let them go.
Rehabilitation is about eliminating the toxins that negatively impact your life. During detox, the physical substances harming your body are flushed out, helping restore neurochemical and physiological balance. In treatment, you’ll gain insight into the relationships in your life and identify any toxic elements they may have. Removing toxic individuals from your life is just as crucial as eliminating toxic substances—though it can be even more challenging. In the end, cutting ties with toxic people will greatly benefit your mental, emotional, and physical health in the long run.
“People who are unhappy with themselves cannot find happiness with you.“
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is one where the dynamic between two people is predominantly negative or harmful. Typically, one person is abusive, and manipulative, and exploits the other through criticism, judgment, and control, seeking to dominate the relationship. Anyone can find themselves trapped in a toxic relationship. Individuals with low self-esteem or those who use substances to cope may enter toxic relationships in their desire to feel loved, often tolerating harmful behavior to maintain that connection. Similarly, anyone experiencing a significant life change, like newly entering sobriety, may be especially vulnerable to feeling trapped in such a relationship.
Toxic relationships aren’t limited to romantic partnerships. They can occur among peers, friends, and even family members. The most telling sign of a toxic relationship is someone who does not fully support your recovery. This includes people you were close to before your addiction. You should distance yourself from anyone who enabled your substance use. Additionally, be aware that some people who claim to support your sobriety may actually be toxic. Toxic individuals often embody one or more of the following traits:
After completing rehab, it’s crucial to avoid toxic people at all costs. They can be subtly manipulative and bring unnecessary stress into your life. A toxic person who knows you well is particularly dangerous, as they can more easily manipulate you, damaging your self-image and creating emotional dependence on them.
Recognizing When to Cut Ties
This is one of the hardest challenges you’ll face in your growth after recovery. Relationships that once seemed perfect may now be seen in a different light after your time in treatment. Even old friends who appeared harmless could now pose a risk. People change, and they may no longer be the person you once knew. Regardless, it’s important to recognize when it’s time to cut someone out of your life or limit your exposure to them.
Here are some quick signs that you may be in a toxic relationship, along with more detailed explanations of how such relationships develop:
“If they do something repeatedly, it’s not a mistake—it’s just their behavior.“
Things Have Changed for the Worse
The only constant in life is change. Over time, situations, relationships, and people evolve. You’ve made a significant positive change by completing treatment for addiction. However, if you notice that a relationship has taken a turn for the worse, it may be time to reevaluate it. People who were once close friends may start to exhibit toxic behaviors due to changes in their own lives. If you observe toxic traits in someone you’re connected with, consider either addressing the issue directly or spending less time with them.
You’re the Only One Trying to Make It Work
A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and support. Love and friendship should never be one-sided. Both individuals should actively contribute to the relationship. In essence, you should get back what you give. If you leave rehab and find yourself in a relationship that feels entirely one-sided, where only you are making the effort to keep the other person happy, it’s a sign that the relationship has become toxic. Toxic individuals often take more than they give, exploiting the kindness shown to them. In return for your love and attention, they may offer selfish behavior masked as affection. Over time, this will inevitably drain your emotional well-being. Their self-centered tendencies can erode your self-worth and potentially trigger a relapse. There’s no reason to keep someone in your life if all they bring is difficulty.
“Toxic people pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate—fumigate.“
You Feel Uncertain About What You Mean to Them
The people you turn to after treatment should be those who genuinely care about you. They should appreciate the progress you’ve made and encourage you to continue growing. Toxic individuals may offer superficial support, but not in any meaningful way. Instead, they might feel jealous of your newfound strength and secretly hope for your relapse to regain the power dynamic they once had. It’s important to step back and look at the situation objectively.
The Relationship Feels More Harmful Than Happy
A healthy relationship should bring joy and comfort. Loved ones should make your life feel warmer and happier. If a relationship starts to become a source of stress, pain, or torment, it could be a sign that you’re dealing with a toxic person. While it may be difficult to come to this realization, recognizing and removing a source of pain from your life is ultimately in your best interest.
What Is Codependency?
One of the most damaging aspects of a relationship with an addict is the development of “codependency.” This psychological term refers to a set of behavioral traits often seen in people who have close relationships with addicts, though it isn’t limited to this group. Codependency can arise in any relationship dynamic and is often one-sided and emotionally abusive.
Codependency typically stems from dysfunctional families where one member experiences fear, anger, pain, or shame that is consistently denied or ignored. This pain often results from a family member’s addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, or work, or from someone being physically or emotionally abusive or suffering from a chronic mental illness. In such families, people learn to accept that problems exist but refuse to confront them. Family members suppress their emotional needs, becoming survivors rather than openly addressing issues. Over time, they may become strangers to one another within their own homes.
This mindset fosters a “need to be needed” mentality in codependent individuals. They may seek external validation or a sense of worth through drugs and alcohol, approval from others, money, success, or relationships. Codependent individuals are often drawn to toxic relationships because of their attraction to this unhealthy dynamic.
“It’s a relief when toxic people stop talking to you. It’s like the trash taking itself out.“
Can Toxic Relationships Become Healthy?
People caught in toxic relationships may hold onto the hope that things could improve. While it is possible for a toxic person to change and develop a healthier relationship, this change must come from their own desire and effort. However, it’s more likely that a toxic individual will not alter their behavior. As someone in recovery, your priority should be on taking care of yourself, not on trying to fix a broken relationship or salvage something that isn’t working.
How to Confront the Toxic Person in Your Life
Staying in a relationship simply because it’s familiar is not a valid reason to continue enduring abusive behavior. It’s natural to feel afraid of leaving or anxious about what the future holds. Many people find themselves trapped in toxic relationships without knowing how to break free. However, remember that staying in such a relationship only reinforces the other person’s poor treatment of you. While staying might seem easier in the short term, it will only cause more harm in the long run.
Confronting a toxic person can be challenging, so be prepared for a strong reaction. Toxic individuals often lie, make excuses, and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Don’t let them manipulate you into believing they are the victim. When you confront them, be honest and firm in your stance. Keep your emotions in check and clearly explain how their behavior is affecting you, as well as what steps you plan to take to reduce their presence in your life.
You can also seek support from close friends and family who understand the situation. Those who care about you can offer perspective and back your decision. Lean on the most trustworthy people in your life and create a plan of action for confronting the toxic person. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run.
“Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty; it’s an act of self-care.“
In Conclusion
Ending a relationship is never easy. You may feel guilt, anger, and grief over the loss, but it’s crucial to prioritize your health and recovery over meeting someone else’s needs. The people who truly care about you will offer the love, respect, and support you need as you navigate your path to recovery. Recovery involves more than just achieving sobriety; it’s about rebuilding your life and relationships, often from the ground up. The individuals you choose to surround yourself with will have a profound impact on this journey. Sunrise Recovery is a drug and alcohol recovery center that helps individuals take the first steps toward achieving and sustaining sobriety. Our compassionate staff is experienced in residential treatment, individual and group therapy, as well as intensive outpatient and detox programs.
