Emotional abuse and substance use disorders often intersect in complex ways. For instance, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that 40-60% of domestic violence cases are either caused or worsened by substance abuse.
Moreover, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) notes that individuals with mental health disorders, such as depression and anxiety, are more likely to develop substance use disorders. Trauma survivors also commonly struggle with substance use, often attempting to self-medicate to alleviate symptoms like anxiety, stress, depression, and anger.
The correlation between mental health disorders and substance use disorders is significantly higher than in the general population. SAMHSA estimates that approximately 7.9 million adults had co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders in 2014, with the highest rates observed in individuals aged 26 to 49.
Although those dealing with emotional abuse and mental health disorders face a higher risk of developing an addiction, recovery is possible without resorting to substances. We’ve gathered tips and guidance from the American Society of Addiction Medicine, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and SAMHSA to offer 10 strategies for overcoming emotional abuse and avoiding substance abuse.
Recognize the Signs of Emotional Abuse
Understanding what emotional abuse looks like is crucial for overcoming it. Licensed psychotherapist Jessica Cline identifies several signs of emotional abuse, which include a persistent pattern of behaviors that cause emotional harm. These behaviors can manifest as constant criticism, manipulation, shaming, bullying, withholding affection, threats, ultimatums, and excessive control.
Emotional abuse can be overt, such as direct insults, infidelity, or property damage, or it can be more subtle, including passive-aggressive belittling and manipulation that can be harder to pinpoint. Regardless of the form it takes, the key is to recognize that these behaviors are defense mechanisms used by the abuser to make you feel worthless, boosting your own sense of superiority.
According to Psychcentral, signs of emotional abuse include:
Understand the Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
For many, distinguishing between an abusive and a healthy relationship can be challenging, particularly if they’ve never experienced a healthy relationship themselves. They might not fully grasp what constitutes emotional abuse or might struggle to accept that their partner is mistreating them. To gain a clearer perspective, it’s helpful to understand the traits of a healthy relationship. According to Psychology Today, signs of a healthy relationship include:
If you find that several of these characteristics do not apply to your relationship, it may indicate signs of emotional abuse.
Acknowledge That Certain Behaviors Are Unacceptable
Once you’ve identified signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, it’s crucial to accept that such behavior is unacceptable. Many victims of emotional abuse may make excuses for or try to rationalize the abusive actions. They might believe they deserve such treatment or feel they have no alternative but to endure it. The truth is that no one should tolerate physical or emotional abuse. Recognizing that you deserve love and respect is the essential first step toward overcoming emotional abuse.
Recognize That Abuse Follows a Cycle
Similar to the cycle of addiction, emotional and physical abuse often follows a repeating pattern if not addressed. Lenore E. Walker first identified this cycle in 1979 to describe common patterns in abusive relationships. Based on interviews with 1,500 women who experienced domestic violence, Walker outlined four phases in the cycle of abuse.
Tension Building
During this phase, underlying tensions rise, leading to a breakdown in communication. The victim may become fearful and attempt to placate the abuser, but the root cause of the tension remains unaddressed.
Incident
An incident occurs when the tension erupts into emotional or physical abuse. This phase is often preceded or followed by arguments, blame, anger, threats, and intimidation. The incident marks a point where boundaries are crossed, causing harm to the victim, either emotionally or physically.
Reconciliation
In this phase, the abuser may apologize, offer excuses for their behavior, and shift blame onto the victim, often denying the abuse or downplaying its severity. While they might profess regret and accept responsibility, these expressions of remorse are often more theoretical than practical.
Calm
Over time, the incident is either forgotten or minimized, and the relationship returns to a semblance of normalcy. Trust and affection are gradually restored, leading to a “honeymoon” phase where things seem to improve.
Reach Out to Family and Friends
Strengthening your support network is crucial for managing and overcoming emotional abuse. By connecting with loved ones, you gain access to an external perspective on your relationship, learn about healthy relationship dynamics, and establish a safety net for emergencies. Social connections also combat isolation and loneliness, which can contribute to negative thought patterns and self-destructive behavior.
Seek Professional Help
If you’re struggling to discuss emotional abuse with friends and family, numerous resources are available to help guide your next steps. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers 24/7 support for all forms of domestic abuse and can be reached at 1-800-799-7233. Additionally, consider seeking therapy from psychologists or counselors who specialize in addiction and emotional abuse to gain clarity and support.
Set Boundaries
Abusers often exert significant emotional and financial pressure on their victims, using manipulation to break down resistance. To protect yourself, it is essential to establish clear boundaries and communicate them assertively. This might involve refusing additional financial support or expressing discomfort with certain requests. Being honest with yourself and your abuser about your limits is crucial. Emotional abusers rely on your leniency to perpetuate their behavior; demonstrating that you will not tolerate such actions may lead to a shift in the relationship dynamic.
Build Confidence
Overcoming the effects of emotional abuse can be challenging, but fostering self-love and confidence is vital. Confidence develops gradually, and you can start by practicing key behaviors such as maintaining eye contact, speaking with a steady tone, and managing your emotions. By projecting confidence and composure, you make it more difficult for the abuser to continue their abusive behavior.
Be Prepared with Clear Examples of Abuse
If you confront your abuser, it’s important to have specific examples of their abusive behavior. Prepare to articulate clearly why their actions and words are unacceptable. Use your understanding of what constitutes a healthy relationship to highlight how their behavior falls short. Make it clear that continued abuse will likely result in the end of the relationship. If they refuse to acknowledge and respect your basic rights, it might be necessary to consider ending the relationship.
Understand That It’s Not Your Fault
Even if you decide to end the relationship, feelings of regret, guilt, or a desire to reconcile are common. However, these feelings do not reflect the reality of the situation. Emotional abuse is not your fault, and it is the responsibility of the abuser to change their behavior, not yours. If you recognize signs of codependency, you may mistakenly believe you deserve the pain inflicted on you. Such destructive thinking is harmful and should be addressed for your well-being.
Trauma and Emotional Abuse
Trauma can be challenging to grasp. In essence, trauma refers to a profound psychological or emotional reaction to intensely negative events or experiences. This could range from distressing events like a divorce or illness to more severe experiences such as the death of a loved one or surviving sexual assault. Trauma can also result from prolonged psychological or physical abuse from a spouse, parent, or friend. The common thread in trauma is the psychological damage inflicted by these extreme experiences.
Trauma survivors often develop substance use disorders as a means of self-medication to cope with symptoms like anxiety, stress, depression, and anger. Treatment for trauma and addiction should ideally integrate therapy and counseling to address both issues simultaneously. Addiction treatment that does not consider trauma risks being ineffective and wasting resources on a program that does not address a significant factor in relapse. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders classifies trauma into various types, including:
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse encompasses behaviors such as verbal abuse, excessive demands, and emotional neglect, which can cause both physical and cognitive disturbances. For minors, emotional abuse can lead to mental disorders.
Understanding these guidelines can help you address and overcome emotional abuse, whether by repairing your current relationship or seeking a healthier one. No one deserves abuse, and no one should have to resort to substances to manage emotional issues.
Next Steps
Sunrise Recovery in Clarksville Indiana is committed to supporting you or your loved one on the path to sobriety. Our team of professionals is equipped with the resources and tools needed to guide you towards a healthier and more fulfilling life. Check our Sunrise Recovery reviews and visit our website to learn more about our inpatient drug and alcohol rehab facilities and how we can assist in your recovery journey.
